10.16.09

i know i have neglected this blog- but honestly it’s hard for me to write when i honestly have nothing to say- nor the time to say it.
today i am taking the time (or making the time) to write.

first and foremost: school basically owns my soul along with my free time and thankfully at least i have good grades to show for it as of midterms.
for a few weeks there, i was extremely burnt out on art history almost to the point of “why am i doing this again?”-
it’s really difficult to take an art history course and succeed when i do not care about the course content.
this is the first time i have had to experience this because every AH class i had taken previously had always been governed by my interests and not by my major requirements and by my severely restricted schedule.

The class that started this whole crisis was my contemporary painting class.
Half of the time I am disgusted, insulted, and then just bored to tears.
So when it came time to do the 3 separate papers (3 pages each) for midterm-
I thought “CRAP! i don’t know enough about this subject because i have not been absorbing it enthusiastically like i usually do.
I did the papers- none of them fully developed because honestly- i felt like i was repeating myself so i just stuck to my guns on the anemic lengths of the 3 papers. I thought for sure I had bombed and would be lucky to have a collective C grade.

I got the midterms back on Wednesday- and was completely shocked to see an A minus as the grade.
Literally in shock- speechless even. Or maybe I was just more confused than anything.
Subpar work in that I didn’t even attempt to bullshit the papers to get an appropriate length for each.

I should feel more confident in my writing- and my instincts…
and of course I am happy about the grade-
but for some reason I don’t feel at ease with it.
I did my best- and got an A minus- and I’m still uncomfortable? What is wrong with me?!?!
Feeling guilty for no reason.

more rambling… later

i’ve been extreme amounts of busy at work
so much so that when i get home i am so zombie-d out from the work stress that i don’t even think about my online presence anymore.
sorry for the neglect?

anyway- this is my current update:
-all three projects have come to a complete standstill at work and now i have nothing do again (aside from my real, actual job) until further notice

-fall semester starts on aug 24th and i am very nervous about my decision to kick it up a notch to a full-time course load while still working full-time. fingers crossed.

-in case anyone at home is keeping score- still back with the Catholic church.
At first it was a little depressing going to mass alone every week but now I think that I prefer it. I don’t really know anyone outside of select members of my family that are practicing Catholics so I feel a little isolated in that respect but I’m fairly private about it anyhow.
It sucks that most of the people I know are fairly judgmental on the subject. Please do not define me or my intelligence by what my religion happens to be. thanks in advance.
Just because I’m Catholic does not mean it is safe to assume anything about me at all.
But that should be common sense, right?

-I went on a long weekend vacation to Corpus Christi/Padre Island with my mom sister and 2 nieces for my mother’s birthday. I realized a lot of things about my family this weekend- a fairly enlightening and enraging experience to say the least.

more later. work just landed in my lap.

I’m the featured artist this week on (the Houston Chronicle’s lifestyle blog) 2995:

http://www.29-95.com

pretty neato!

In Loving Memory.

Today marks the TWO YEAR anniversary of Hunter’s passing.
TWO YEARS!!!!

I have said so much about his death already- and two years later I haven’t acquired any more insight on the subject.
All I know is that it was a senseless and tragic death and I wish he was still alive but God had a different plan.

The images were taken at the studio in which the Dropouts were recording.
I was the “photographer” of the band for a little while- went to many of the shows and even took these weird candid band shots.
Notice the mannequin heads make an appearance. I really did carry those things everywhere….

I’ll probably post all of the images I have of Hunter in the next posts.

I do not want to co-opt Hunter’s anniversary post but it has come to my attention
that someone I know had passed away on Saturday night in his sleep.
We were not close- but we did hang out for a period of time a couple of years ago and we remained acquaintances that would make small talk at hardcore shows (he was in a few local HC bands).
I am really saddened by his death because he was very young and it was so sudden.

It never gets NOT hard to deal with sudden deaths and unfortunately it has happened again.
It depresses me to think that as we get older, the number of people in our lives that die will inevitably rise as time goes by.
I am terrified of the idea of everyone around me dying before I do…. or my parents. I cannot imagine surviving that amount of grief.

RIP Hunter

terrible image. but memorable.
this john (memmer) looking in his kitchen cabinets for liquid smoke.
we were making vegan beef jerky.
(which actually turned out pretty good for our first and last try)

john is currently in Argentina for the summer.
jealz!

Update

Next week will be 2 years since Hunter’s death.
I cannot believe that much time has passed- it feels like it was last month.
I’ll visit the grave again but not with his family like I did last year.
I miss him and but I’m still pissed that he let the drugs kill him.
I know a few that quite doing drugs after his passing- there is some comfort in knowing that someone learned from his tragic mistake.

what’s going on:
-I cut my hair short again.

-i entered 3 photos into a juried exhibition- i have a feeling i won’t get picked though.
-i’m taking steps to re-enter the catholic church
-i’m going to start shooting 35mm again
-i’m really bummed out about Michael Jackson RIP
-Bastian starts his new job next week!
-I am eligible for injections into both sides of my jaw but I cannot afford the ginormous deductible
-Just bought tickets to see SUNNY DAY REAL ESTATE in Houston in October.

life is good. i am still having mixed episodes, then hypo cycles, then deep cycles-
the agitation is actually getting better though.
I’m considering going back on a weight neutral medication. we shall see.

light sabre pt 3

i got a new AMAZING monitor at work and suddenly it is glaringly obvious the tones in these images.
i didn’t like them before but i dont like them even more now haha

there are more but i cant stand them so we’re done with these!

light saber pt. 2

there are a few more but those will be crammed into the next post i do.
the first two are the only ones i actually like.

light saber pt. 1

kendall with a light saber.
age 15/16 summer after sophomore year (3/4 year old kendall)

lots more of these in the next post.

i have been having mixed episodes this week. hell on wheels.

as promised

i told you! i looked terrible!
if you can’t tell- i am holding a giant plastic knife.
i think i bought it at value village to use as a prop (i did that alot- and i still buy props at resale/thrift stores)
it was so gigantic though- and not a versatile prop so i only used in this craptacular set.
notice again my room and the posters all over the walls- along with a tiny bear hanging from the ceiling.
if i ever buy a house i need to devote a closet to these setups in which the walls are covered with random stuff.
it adds a really fucking creepy vibe to all of these pictures- because it’s not at all obvious that this was just taken in my teenage bedroom.

i am obviously 16 in this picture because i am wearing mala beads.
i went through a buddhist phase
(i hate calling it a phase because i really was engulfed by it and i dont like to devalue that period by calling it just a phase but i digress)
and during that time was when i initially became vegetarian… then vegan.

these images are intentionally gray-
the other versions with the correct black tones are too dark to see the background and are just too stark.
detail over contrast in this case..